Life kind of came to a crashing halt for a few days this week when I found a lump in my breast on Mother's Day. For three days I imagined what I would do if I indeed did have cancer.
It was by far the scariest three to four days I've experienced as I waited to get my mammogram and ultrasound on Wednesday.
Here is a short video I took in days leading up to the mammo. I haven't shared it with anyone till today but if this scare helps someone be more mindful and in tune with their bodies then it's worth it.
Being in this place of facing my own mortality really put a lot of things in perspective and made me zoom in on a few things in my life that perhaps may not have been in focus before, such as people I still need to forgive and ways I've checked out of my body and how I would like to nurture my body more through food and movement. While this is something I've been working on for a few years now, nothing like a health scare to put things into complete perspective.
On Wednesday, I went in for my mammogram and ultrasound.
It turned out that it was an enlarged cyst.
I literally just broke down, crying of relief, when the ultrasound technician told me not to worry, that it was just a cyst.
As strong as the feeling was of terror for those few days, so was the feeling of gratitude for my life on Wednesday as I walked home from the hospital. I felt like I was given my life back.
I realize not everyone gets to walk away relieved after a mammogram and many must face their own mortality and the painful journey of trying to beat cancer and live. For those of you who have been through the real deal, I send you massive love and respect. No one really knows what it's like for you unless they have been there. I merely got a taste of it, but I don't really know what it's like.
It's Sunday, one week later and I am still trying to find my center again. Self care has been ramped up to more exquisite self care. I've been eating healthier, acknowledging my feelings more, even went in for a foot reflexology appointment and have been paying really close attention to my body which is what it was craving all along.
The truth is I know I'm under a lot of stress with moving from my apartment and going on a trip to Italy (oh yes, did I tell you I am going to Italy for 43 days??). I am feeling the pressure though and trying to find ways of easing it, including perhaps not moving right before my trip.
Time will tell and I am focusing on getting clearer and receiving ease in all decisions that I make.
The ironic thing is, eating healthier and moving more, really does bring more clarity.
Lots of sugar and carbs and the resulting mood swings, really makes things fuzzy for this brain of mine. I'm learning to listen and get quiet enough to hear and the body is such an integral part of that.
The temple needs to be clear of debris and static for the truth to arise. I'm learning this big time right now.
Thank you for all the prayers on Facebook, for the private messages and love you all sent my way.
Next journey begins June 1st.
This 4 week course is about practicing living your yes, living inside of it, becoming it, learning how to tune into it, how to identify what your yes energy is and feels like, what blocks it, what sets it free, and ultimately harnessing its power.
For more information visit the registration page here.